Yesterday my cousin and I were discussing the president-elect’s picks for the Cabinet. I said that there are better choices.
In fact, I added, there are better choices for president. My cousin replied that a slice of pizza would be a better choice for president.
We both then realized that this may in fact be true, and so we proceeded to analyze the differences.
For one thing, pizza is cheesy on purpose, not because it has no taste. In fact, it has great taste.
A slice of pizza will not insult minorities and hard working immigrants, or sexually assault women as a sort of expensive hobby.
Pizza often comes with a nice salad, which is so much better than the word salad you get from that other guy.
A slice of pizza will not threaten to destroy our economy by deporting the people who actually pick our crops and do all of the other thankless jobs that keep prices down.
Unlike our incumbent, pizza is not half baked. And it isn’t just trying to get more dough for itself and its wealthy friends. Pizza actually wants everyone to have a slice of the pie.
Pizza will not threaten to raise exhorbitant tariffs which will end up being passed on to U.S. consumers.
And you just know that its Cabinet will be filled with much better choices, like black pepper, oregano, garlic and basil. Maybe even pineapple.
Let’s face it — pizza would do a better job running our country, no matter how you slice it.