Sheldon, part 29

“Sheldon,” said the cat, “you do know you’re a fictional character, don’t you?”

“Yes, I believe we’ve established that. And I can live with it. I mean, in the broad sense of the word ‘live’.”

“Then you must know that as a ghost you are serving as a metaphor.”

Sheldon rolled his eyes. “Oh great, now I’m a metaphor. You sure I can’t be a simile, or an allegory, or maybe a synechdoche?”

“Actually,” said Charlotte, “I think at this point Sheldon is more of a pataphor.”

“That’s going a bit far, pumpkin, don’t you think?” said Charlotte’s mother.

“Yes, exactly!” said Charlotte. “I’m glad you agree. In fact, this whole thing has gone too far — haven’t any of you noticed? What started as a discussion about our existence has somehow taken over our existence.”

“My head hurts,” said Charlotte’s dad. “Are you saying we’re trapped in this conversation?”

“It’s worse than that,” Charlotte said, shaking her head sadly. “I think we’ve become the conversation.”

“Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag,” said Sheldon.

“Now Sheldon,” Charlotte admonished. “Lets stay away from catachresis.”

Charlotte’s father looked confused. “Are you saying the cat is having a crisis?”

“No dad, it’s a word that means … oh, never mind. It’s not important. What’s important is that Sheldon is stuck being a ghost because of some metaphorical imperative. That doesn’t seem very fair to me.”

“Are you unhappy being a ghost?” Charlotte’s mother asked Sheldon gently.

“Well, I can’t say it’s all that great. The whole thing about not being able to eat a meal — that’s a serious bummer right there.”

“And from what the cat has explained,” Charlotte said “this is all because Sheldon is stuck between two fictional universes.”

“That’s only part of it,” came a voice from the door.

They all turned to look. “Who are you?” asked Charlotte.

“I’m the author, of course.”

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