Last week I was with my friend David, who likes bad puns (something we have in common). We were discussing space flight and the possibility of colonizing Mars, and I pointed out a certain irony.
At which point David said “That makes sense, because Mars is irony.”
Which is true — Mars is red because it contains iron. But it was also, as those of you who pun will know, a signal that our conversation had left the realm of substantive discussion, and had entered a Pun War — a strange sort of combat in which all that matters is how outrageous a pun you can make. The contest generally continues until somebody comes up with a pun that can’t be topped.
“I was merely testing your mettle,” I said.
“How elementary!” he replied. “Maybe we should table these puns.”
“I’m willing to do that,” I said, “for a small fee.”
At which point he gave in, for David recognized that “Fe” is the symbol for iron in the periodic table of the elements.
The next day I was relating this episode to my friends Craig and Lisa, and their fifteen year old daughter Dana happened to be there. As I got to the punchline I started to worry that perhaps this was all going over Dana’s head.
“Did you understand that?” I asked her.
“Of course I understood that,” she sniffed. “After all, I’m fe-male. And you know what that means, don’t you? I’m Iron Man!”
I happily conceded defeat.
She clearly has a magnetic personality!