When you look at pop-cultural offerings, whether they be films, novels, or popular songs, there seems to be a specific gap between the primary wish fulfillment fantasy directed at men and the one directed at women.
There is definite overlap, for nothing here is in black and white. Generally the young hero or heroine, after going through suitable trials and tribulations, is given two essential rewards: (1) the optimal mate, and (2) the optimal position in society.
The gender difference creeps in when we look more closely at these two rewards. For women, the optimal mate is presented as the primary reward, and the position in society (eg: the perfect/fulfilling job) is merely a subsidiary reward, which is mainly present to verify that our plucky young heroine has nabbed herself the right guy.
Yet in a male-oriented fantasy it’s generally the other way around. The primary goal for the young hero is to find his proper place in society. He’s got to step up, assume the mantle of prince, take responsibility, befriend the dragon, become the man he’s been holding back from being. And if he fulfills these goals, then the love of the right woman will be thrown his way as a signal that he has indeed made the proper choices.
But the love of this woman is not the primary achievement. It’s merely an auxiliary verification that he has made those right choices and has come out on top.
I am left wondering whether this difference — for gals the big reward being get the guy, whereas for guys the big reward being to level up in society — is based on an intrinsic difference between men and women, or is a culturally imposed mandate, one that artificially separates men and women from each other, and that broadens the gulf of understanding between them.
Is a culturally imposed mandate so we won’t topple the male power hierarchy.
Sally is completely right. And it is still unbelievable for most men, when women want things the other way around.
Just tell a guy the most important thing in your life is your job and you want him to support you. Then have a look how fast he is running…
Me I found an exception. 🙂
The funny thing is that most men are even impressed by strong women, but never would be able to deal with them. When it comes to the reality of any kind of relationship, they want a woman, that works for them in support just as they like it and doesn’t take care of her own dreams any more.
On the other hand there are still enough women who define themselves through the guy they were with and his social level. That is sad and there is still enough education to do. Telling young women, that they are not only allowed to dream their own dreams and to live them, but that they are supposed to do it.
On the day when the sentence I want power and I love and live it, is definitely nothing bad and dirty more for a woman, but as normal as it is for a man, I might be satisfied. 🙂
I completely agree with both comments. I threw the “intrinsic difference” line in there because I was curious to see if anybody would attempt to defend it.
I view this as one of those self-perpetuating cultural myths (like “black people do not have the ability to play professional sports” — a pervasive myth in this country up until the mid 20th century). Each generation passes down a set of values to the next generation, and this particular set of values surrounding women seems to be an echo of an earlier time (not that long ago) when women had no independent legal status (eg: any property of a married woman legally belonged to her husband).
In my own life, the women I know tend to be high achievers, with the ability to reach strong professional goals. They tend not to define their larger identity in terms of their relationship with their partner, any more than the men I know do.
I also find that these women tend not to have much trouble finding partners. I suspect this is because my friends and colleagues share a subculture in which achievement and intellectual ability are considered highly desireable — in woman as well as in men.