The great Buddha in Kamakura

After an amazing gourmet lunch at Hachinoki, prepared in the traditional Shojin Ryori style, we went to see the great Buddha in Kamakura. Looking up in awe at this immense seated figure, rising over 13.4 meters in the air, I found myself thinking “if he moves, I’m leaving.”

And then it occurred to me — what if all the giant religious statues around the world came to life, and they weren’t friendly? What if all the statues of Krishna in Mumbai and Kolkata alit off their pedestals, reconnoitered in Nagpur and headed north to take New Delhi?

What if the great Buddha in Nara suddenly stood up, busted through the roof of the Todai-ji temple, and began striding with menace toward Osaka? What if Cristo Redentor in Rio de Janeiro became Cristo Predator, charging down the slopes of Corcovado to storm across the favelas and lay waste to the beach hotels?

I had this image of all the great religious icons of the world joining forces, teaming up to form an unstoppable army, in relentless and singleminded pursuit of a common enemy — us.

I soon came to my senses, as I watched tourists line up to pay two bucks a pop for the privilege of climbing inside the hollow bronze statue and peering out his torso. I realized the assault upon our race by marauding religious statues wasn’t likely to happen any time soon. Humankind would be safe after all.

Oh well, I thought wistfully, it would have been nice to see our great religious figures finally coming together for a common cause.

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