The Dark Roast

I learned today about a D.C. Comics super-villain named Snowflame. In their attempt to create ethnic diversity and inclusiveness, D.C. Comics introduced (in their infinite wisdom) a super-villain from Colombia.

All of Snowflame’s super powers, including superhuman strength, superhuman speed, and immunity to pain, derive from his cocaine addiction. Isn’t that special?

Here is a direct quote from the character himself:

“I am Snowflame! Every cell of my being burns with white-hot ecstasy. Cocaine is my God — and I am the human instrument of its will!”

I swear, I am not making this up.

Upon learning about this, I thought it a bit unfair of D.C. Comics to bypass an even more important Colombian export industry. I mean, if they are trying to win hearts and minds in Bogotá, perhaps they should make a super villain whose tag line is more like this:

“Every cell of my being burns with steaming-hot ecstasy. Caffeine is my God, and I am the human instrument of its will!. I am The Dark Roast!!”

In the spirit of science, let us extrapolate with a question: If you were a major comic book franchise, and you were going to create a fictional character who would effectively alienate a vast swath of your readership in one country or another, what character would you create?

There are so many cultures to choose from — so many potential readers to deeply offend! French, Italian, Latvian or Israeli, the possibilities are endless.

I am open to suggestions.

One thought on “The Dark Roast”

  1. “Every cell of my being burns with the forearm swelling spirit of vengeance! Spinach is my God, and scat singing is my anthem. I am Popeye!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *