Sixty million dollars is pretty impressive

I am starting to feel bad for the Republican majority in Congress. They are trying desperately to act as though things are business as usual, but the Trump administration is gumming up the works.

You see, we are currently living in a legal framework that assumes the President of the United States and key members of his cabinet have not accepted millions of dollars of Russian payoff money. But with every day’s new revelation, it is getting harder and harder to ignore that such an assumption is, how shall I say it, an alternate fact.

So I propose, for the peace of mind of those poor Republican Senators and Congresspersons, the following amendment to American law: Let’s make it a requirement that the President and key members of his cabinet must all have personally been bribed by the Russians by some reasonably large amount — let’s say something in the eight figures.

This woul allow our legal framework to align itself to the reality. I suspect, once this change takes effect, that it will become a badge of honor for a member of the Administration to have accepted an extremely large bribe from the Russians. It will come to be seen as a way to project strength and authority.

We know, for example, that the President himself, in just a single Florida real estate deal, took a sixty million dollar bribe from the Russians. After knowing the man did something that impressive, how could anyone continue to doubt his leadership qualities?

And I suspect, from what I’m seeing now, that Jeff Sessions is not slouch either in this department. Of course Wilbur Ross has outdone them all.

Ross is the kind of like the guy at your friend’s party who brought the drugs. The others are pretty much just hanging out in the bathroom doing lines from his stash.

Some might object that such a legal change would run counter to the spirit of our Constitution. But if I were a Republican lawmaker I would have none of that guff. “Hey,” I’d say, “It’s the law now. What are you, unamerican?”