One day in early August

On Saturday August 3rd, 2019, a man started opening fire in a shopping mall in El Paso, Texas. Despite Texas being an open carry state, nobody stepped forward to challenge the shooter. The perpetrator continued, unchecked, to kill and maim people (eventually 20 dead and many more wounded) until the police were finally able to show up and subdue him.

John and Becky strode through the shopping mall on a lovely day in early August. John was so proud to have his best girl on his arm, and proud to live in an open carry state like Texas, where he could be one of the good guys with a gun. None of that mamby pamby liberal stuff for him. Becky deserved a real man.

All of a sudden a shot rang out. Becky turned to him. “I think we have a shooter.”

“It’s a good thing,” he explained, “that we live in Texas, where some good guy with a gun will stop this asshole.”

“What about you?” Becky asked, looking pointedly at John’s holster. “You can stop him.”

There was a moment of hesitation. “That’s the great thing about Texas,” he replied. “There are plenty of open carry guns right here in El Paso. I can just be ready as back-up if some other good guy with a gun doesn’t get him first.”

He saw a sudden look of disappointment on her face. But the look only lasted for a moment, before her head exploded like a watermelon, spattering him all over with blood and brains and bits of Becky’s skull.

Just then he spotted a nearby store where people were hiding out. He might be carrying a gun, but he wasn’t an idiot.

It was too bad about Becky, but she should have been carrying a gun too. Anyway, he knew it would all be ok, because everyone would soon hear, as always, that the hopes and prayers of our duly elected officials were with them.

Once within the safety of the store, he heard somebody mention that the shooter was a white male.

“Well that’s a relief,” he thought. “At least it wasn’t one of those domestic terrorists.”

He smiled to himself. “That’s why we need the NRA. Thank God for the NRA.”

Leave a Reply