To sum up yesterday’s post, the great Disney animator told me that if you want to understand how a character moves, you need to understand how it gets its food. And it occurred to me that there is a very profound and generalizable truth in this statement.
Whenever you encounter anyone, whether in friendship, or professional relationship, or as a romantic partner, or as a family member, you would do well to understand what motivates them. At core, why do they do what they do, and what makes them believe what they believe?
All relationships are transactional, no matter how much our romantic view of the world might lead us to believe otherwise. Everybody has emotional needs, and their feelings and actions in the world are manifestations of those needs.
Whenever we are surprised by someone’s actions or beliefs, it is an indication that we do not understand that person’s core underlying needs. People with a high EQ (Emotional Quotient) are particularly good at understanding the core needs of others, even if those needs are hidden behind a veil of misdirection.
Peoples’ actions and beliefs, no matter how confusing, are always a consequence of what they really need, on an emotional and existential level. In other words, if you want to understand how a character moves, you need to understand how it gets its food.
I like how Prof thinks. To wear others’ shoes and to think from their perspective usually helps me understands my relationships, either it is romantic or professional. If I am surprised by someone’s actions, it usually means I don’t understand their need, or I am living in my own illusions.