In a wide ranging interview, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was asked why certain books were banned from the Nimitz Naval Academy library, but not others.
“What was the reasoning behind banning May Angelou’s award winning autobiography?”
Hegseth explained that the book was deeply racist. Angelou falsely claims that when she was a child, she was treated differently from other children because of an imaginary concept of “race”, a concept which the current administration has pointed out does not actually exist. “As you know, we treat all children equally in this great country, and we always have,” Hegseth said. “We need to make sure that our military officers in training are never exposed to fictional statements to the contrary.”
“Have you read the book in question?”
“Of course not. In order to do this job, I need to keep my mind pure.”
When asked why “Mein Kampf” by Adolph Hitler was still in the library after the purge, Hegseth grew more positive.
“I’m glad you asked me that. As you know, fighting antisemitism, by any means necessary, is a high priority for this administration. And the simplest way to eliminate antisemitism is to eliminate Jews. That’s how you cut through the red tape. No Jews, no antisemitism. In his own way, the former chancellor of Germany was quite the political genius. In fact, we find that book to be so inspirational that we keep two copies in the Nimitz library.”
Unfortunately, just at that moment the interview was cut short, as the interviewer rushed out of the room, claiming to be suffering from a sudden stomach ailment.