In a stunning development, the president of the United States has agreed to provide military aid to Ukraine in the form of submarine sandwiches from Subway. “We begin shipping the sandwiches today. No longer will the good people of Ukraine be left to defend themselves unarmed.”
In a news conference at the White House, the president of the U.S. announced this unexpected windfall for the besieged nation. “They will now have the means to fend off the Russian invaders. We understand that their brave soldiers will be receiving a choice of weapons to throw at the enemy, including salami, ham and capicola varieties.
“Don’t forget,” the president added, “the provolone. I’ve also heard that a few will come with extra mustard.”
The president of Ukraine could not be reached for comment.