Today I received a hate mail. It was completely unexpected. Apparently someone I encountered in passing earlier today had created an entire fantasy around an actual set of events, and had rearranged things in their mind to create a fantasy version of those events. In their fantasy I was some sort of larger-than-life villain. The venom and sheer nastiness of the email I received was a bit overwhelming, and more than a little scary.
When something like this happens, a part of me wants to argue, to defend myself, to point out the various places where my correspondent’s version of events has deviated from reality. But it’s no use. The fact that someone has even sent such an email means that they are not invested in reality – at least not in the way that you or I understand it.
In the end I realized I needed to just walk away, to not answer the email at all. There is no such thing as a constructive argument with a person who is not starting from reality. And yet it feels terrible, this knowledge that I am simply walking away from a fellow human being – one who on some level is clearly crying out in pain.
Yes, it feels terrible, and yet there is no useful answer that I can give them, nothing that I can do – I cannot enter their reality, even to try to lead them out of it. The inner pain that leads this person to send such terrible messages of hate is not a pain that I could ever hope to heal.
Hate like that doesn’t respond to rationality. Walking away is the only good option. You can’t fix this person’s pain, because it is clearly based in irrationality.
However, watch your back…
“Hey this is terrific!” Zaphod said. “Someone down there is trying to kill us!”
“Terrific,” said Arthur.
“But don’t you see what this means?”
“Yes. We’re going to die.”
“Yes, but apart from that.”
“Apart from that?”
“It means we must be on to something!”
I am very sorry to hear this. I hope this doesn’t stop you from blogging and talking straight.
Sometimes we just don’t have an answer and can’t give one, especiallly to people who are afraid and feel an indifferent pain and anger.
You may just keep in mind, that this person tries to use you as a target of his or her own conflicts. And as long as this person doesn’t realise this, getting back to him or her doesn’t make any sense.
Here is a big smile for you to brighten up your day.
I kind of don’t understand how you could receive hate mail. Computer graphics doesn’t seem the field to generate hate mail. Sometimes people pick famous or successful people to send hate mail to, though I don’t know why.
If it was threatening, hate mail, then you should let someone know, but if it was just regular hate mail, then I agree with your non-response.
Thank you all for your wonderful and supportive comments. 🙂
So sorry to hear this…If this person persists, you should definitely tell someone…Keep yourself safe.
I hate not responding to hate mail…